Happy Birthday Mom

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I’ve been listening to the new Gary Allan CD a lot. It is, without a doubt, the best CD he’s ever done–in my NSH opnion. I guess you’re wondering what my mom has to do with Gary Allan but bear with me. For anyone who doesn’t know, Gary lost his wife to suicide about a year ago and it’s obvious in every song on this CD that the last year hasn’t been easy. There’s a raw, heartfelt honesty that I can appreciate as a writer, and as a person. And while Gary’s unapologetically honest, he doesn’t wallow in self-pitty.

Losing a loved one tragically is difficult, whether they chose to take their own life or it’s a car wreck like the one that took my mom. The last time I saw her was my youngest son’s 6th birthday which we celebrated January 13. The last time I talked to her was Monday, January 15, 2001. We had a fight. On Saturday January 20 (the day after my dad’s birthday) they were sideswiped while taking soup to a friend who’d been in a car accident. And while I do miss her, anyone who knows me at all knows denial ain’t so bad.

When you know that someone’s going to die, you have time to prepare yourself and make peace and if you’re lucky you get to say goodbye. I didn’t. And like I said, the last time we talked we had a fight and I never called her back. My brother lives with his own guilt. He was supposed to have gone to Mom and Dad’s that day but didn’t because he had a fight with his wife, which is how they ended up going to their friends and ended up being at that particular spot, at that exact time.

Mom would have been 64 today. Mom also had Alzheimers. And I gladly accept the fact that, while it was hard to lose her, God knew what he was doing when he took her. She was the strongest person I know. God we were so different and we used to fight like you wouldn’t believe, but she was also my friend, and I know that she wouldn’t have wanted to die the slow agonizing death she would have with Alzheimers.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

I posted this over at Writeminded earlier this week, but I’m gonna post it here too. The lyrics from a Gary Allen song:

Life ain’t alwasy beautiful. Tears will fall sometimes. Life ain’t alwasy beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride.


11 thoughts on “Happy Birthday Mom

  1. That is so true…We never know if tomorrow will come or not. You have done well for yourself and I know we differ on the God thing but I work with Alzheimer patients girl and it’s hard, harder then hell on these families. It would have broken your heart, the boys and your dads. Death is never easy but a part of life and I know your mom loved you more then anything because she picked you. That makes you special and I love ya too because you are just an awesome friend that I think rocks. A strong independant no bullshit sassy stubborn headed lady…( I want that CD, I have heard so many good things about it)
    Have a good day

  2. Aw, sweetie, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. You’re right, the Alzheimers would have been a wicked end for a strong woman. Even so, it’s still tough as hell when those birthdays or special occasions and holidays roll around.

    Although my mom and I had a troubled relationship, I wasn’t ready to lose her to cancer when she was just 57. As for guilt, my younger sister committed suicide a few years ago. She was still in her thirties. We’d had a rocky relationship. She called me, left a message on my machine, and I didn’t call back. That was the last time I heard her voice. No matter how much time passes I’ll never be free of the “if only” thoughts. She was so troubled and logically I know I couldn’t have saved her, and yet…

    Humor is healing and therapeutic, and one of the reasons I write comedy. It’s helped to pull me through the darkest times–and I have a hunch it’s done the same for you, Cece.

    God bless you.

  3. What a wonderful tribute. Your attitude is one of your best assets, one of the many things I adore about you, Cece. Thanks for sharing–I for one needed to read this today. Many hugs…

  4. Your post today struck me close to home. Nice tribute. Take care.

    I should pick up GA’s latest. A lot of his music hits a person in the heart too. He is a great song writer that makes me feel, not just appreciate his voice. I saw him in concert a few years back. He’s talented too. One of the best concerts I’ve ever been to. He’s one of the musicians that spans generations. My folks don’t like much that is new in country music. But I started buying them GA’s albums and they love him too. It was my mother who first told me his album was being released soon.

  5. One of the hardest things about life is losing the ones we love. It doesn’t get any easier with time, age, or rationalizing. And the only thing that can make it even more difficult is guilt.
    But I firmly believe that there’s a reason for everything, and when it’s time to go, it’s time. Doesn’t matter if you’ve had an argument, happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, whether you’ve chosen to take yourself out, whether you’ve just won the Nobel prize–doesn’t matter. It’s time.

    Events are just circumstances in time. The only important thing was that your mom loved you. And without her, you wouldn’t be the person you are today. The person WE love.
    So that makes her important to those who love you, and very special indeed.

    So yes–Happy Birthday to your Mom.

  6. Your post made me tear up, Cece. What a difficult loss that must’ve been for you, but your attitude sounds right on. Happy Birthday Cece’s mom!

  7. Hol…I love ya but that whole “Im special cuz I’m chosen” shit doesn’t work with me. :kiss: Dennie and Jaq and Amy and everyone else thank you.

    Sunny I’m glad I posted it if you needed to hear it cuz I really waffled about it after I wrote it.

    If only indeed…..Daisy thank you so much for sharing about your sister. Hugs to you!

    The CD kicks ass. Annalee you’re right there’s something about his music that’s just timeless. One of my favorite songs by him that was never released is Adobe Walls 🙂 He’s gonna be here next week *sigh*