1. If you can’t afford children, keep your pants zipped.
2. Condoms are also a good investment in your future (but really, keep those pants zipped)
3. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Paying bills sucks and there’s no Summer Vacation in the real world.
4. Always treat a woman like a lady, hold the door for her, compliment her and smile. Girls like that.
5. Brush your teeth–you only get one set and all that dental work I’m paying for ain’t cheap.
6. Always take responsibility for your actions, including getting someone pregnant….which leads to #7
7. There’s more to being a father than paying your child support and seeing your kids every two weeks.
8. Body odor is NOT cool.
9. I love you and think you’re wonderful, but the rest of the world doesn’t. Get over it.
10. I love you and think you’re wonderful, but I won’t put up with rampant stupidity and half-assedness. Get over it.
11. You WILL work your ass off for everything you get, and again, there’s no summer vacations in the real world. Yup, Get over it.
12. I did not raise freeloaders. Don’t be one. Yes, #1 I’m talking to you.
13. One day you’ll discover just how smart I really am 🙂
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