This is where I tell you about me...and stuff

My friends say I should write

about myself, that people want to read a bio. I don't think I'm terribly exciting, though I have been known to make people laugh so hard they spew coke out their nose.

I can't say I'm one of those writers who always KNEW they wanted to be a writer. Nor could I say I've been doing it all my life, though I did find some old notes I wrote my mom eons ago-I think I was five.

My how time flies.

Growing up, I wanted to be a lawyer…and a psychologist…

obviously I've seen the light, though to be honest, I've never settled down into any career. I've worked fast food, as a receptionist, an office manager (in a daycare that gets me bonus points), delivered pizza, did a stint at Wally World as a cashier, was a hairdresser for 5 years (oh the stories I could tell), and even worked one weekend waitressing in a strip club. And that's just the stuff I got paid to do!

I figure it was all training for the writing gig. That and all those Barbara Cartland romances I cut my teeth on.

So how did I get here? I'm one of those strange New Age folk who believe in Karma and Life Lessons.

The biggest 'in family' joke? I was supposed to be retarded.

No, really! I was! I definitely qualify as weird and I'll even confess to being an underachiever, but I'm not slow (except before coffee). I'm adopted. I found my biological mother seven years ago. In hindsight, I might not have been born in the right family, but I definitely think I ended up in the right family.

I was a military brat until age five, and we still moved every 5 years after that. I made a lot of bad choices and dumb mistakes growing up that culminated in marrying Prince Notso Charming. I'm now a single mom on the verge of buying my first home and admittedly jaded about men. My friend Ruby's favorite saying is, "Save the drama for your Mama," whereas, mine would be, "I ain't your Mama." Which probably explains why I'm not currently accepting applications for my next ex. Who has time anyway!?

These days I file stuff, answer phones and tweak websites to put food on the table-this is important when you have kids who grow faster than puppies-and write in my spare time.

So, why am I here? I'm a native Texan, a bigtime music lover (and a card carrying Caglehead), a basketball fan (pro and college…and my kids)-and soccer too!

I'm opinionated and loud once you get to know me, until then I'm actually pretty shy-I can hear my critique partners laughing. I'm one of those weird folk who believes in self expression (thus the two tattoos and the pierced nose).

I don't drink beer and I don't like football, but don't tell the Powers that Be or they might revoke my Texas Citizenship. I say ya'll but never ya'll all, cause that's just wrong. I might live in the city but I'm pretty down home-please don't mistake down home for dumb though.

Last but not least, I'm a storyteller and a writer, and I'm here to entertain you.