Conversations with Small People

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yes yes I’m supposed to be searching for paperwork not blogging.

So Sunday morning #2 comes in a flops on my bed. Mom, when will I have man-boobs?

MOI: *snort* Do pushups to build your pecs, Son.

#2 does like 3 pushups on the bed. Exhausted, he wanders out into the living room to challenge #1 to a round of Playstation.

Skip to Monday night. We’re watching something and a commercial for Herpes medication comes on.

#1 what’s herpes

MOI: a sexually transmitted disease.

#1: Like AIDS

MOI: Yes, that’s why you have safe sex

Skip to last night:
A commercial for getting an HIV test comes on.

#2 What’s HIV (hiv like hive without the E)

MOI: It’s a sexually transmitted disease and it can kill you. There’s no cure. (Mom’s subtle way of saying wear a condom when you get older or else).

#1: Like Herpes

MOI starting to feel like a broke record: Yes but herpes won’t kill you (just make you wish you’re dead). That’s why you wear a condom when you have sex.

#2: What’s a condom?

MOI scrambling for correct terminology: A thing made out of latex that you put over your penis before you have sex SO YOU DON’T CATCH ANY SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES.

#1: Like Trojan?

MOI not even daring to ask where he heard the brand name: Yes

#1: Why do they make different kinds?

MOI not even daring to explain concepts like ‘ribbed for extra pleasure’: It’s just a brand of condom….like peanut butter comes in different brands. 😕

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